There are few shows that I find more binge-worthy than Netflix’s Orange is the New Black. The show, which centers around the inmates and staff of Litchfield Penitentiary, gives us a beautiful and comedic look into the lives (both past and present) of women from all different walks of life. With the upcoming season 4 drop just weeks away, I know that many of you are probably counting down the days until you can have an epic binge-watching session like I am. Gather up the most rag-tag group of friends you can find and prepare some treats that will be much better than the prison food you see on TV, because it is time for another watch party!
OITNB’s third season brought us foodies so many memorable moments that narrowing down the list of themed-snacks for my watch party proved to be tough. Many inmates learned that they could mix things up in the kitchen by pretending to be Jewish in order to snag a kosher meal, so you could always follow suit by cooking up some tasty kosher treats of your own. Or you could draw inspiration from the mythical Litchfield chicken and whip up Red’s famous Chicken Kiev. I even thought about making my own Norma toast, but without one of her “miracles” that just didn’t seem possible.
Check out the gallery below to see which recipes I finally decided to make:
Mini Cherry Pies
I was feeling a bit insPIEred by something else…You guessed it, cherry pie! No OITNB party would be complete without some pie to throw in honor of your prison wife. Early on in season 1, Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren took a liking to the show’s main character, Piper Chapman. When she saw tension building between her “Dandelion” and Piper’s ex-lover Alex Vause, Crazy Eyes did what any loyal prison wife would do — She threw her pie at Alex, both defending Piper’s honor and marking her territory at the same time.
These mini pies proved to be one of the easiest snacks in the world, so don’t worry if your culinary skills aren’t quite on Red’s level. All you’ll need is piecrust and cherry pie filling, but if you do want to be adventurous skip the premade crust and filling and bake your pies from scratch. I’m not much of a baker so I took the easy way out here, but I can promise you that they still tasted delicious. Add a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and your taste buds will be dancing for joy.
Mini Corn Quiche with Crispy Sage Garnish
One of my favorite foodie moments from season 3 was Red’s private dinner party. Her passion for cooking was so apparent in that episode. I felt her pain when Taystee and the gang ate her fresh ears of corn, and when that mysterious replacement crate appeared in the kitchen I wanted to climb through my TV screen and rejoice with her! More importantly, I wanted a seat at that table so I could try a bite of her corn quiche for myself!
Red was completely right in saying that this dish will “make you feel things about corn that you have never felt before.” My mini corn quiches turned out delicious, and the crispy sage garnish was like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. To create these fluffy little pies, simply fill each muffin tin with a spoonful of sautéed corn and egg mixture, then top them off with a sprinkle of cheddar cheese. While the quiches cook, melt butter in a pan and crisp up those sage leaves for your garnish.
Although the construction of these quiches is a bit more complicated than the cherry pies, they are still a relatively easy dish to pull off so don’t get discouraged! Start off your binge session by serving these eggy delights for breakfast, or finish off the day with a little late-night snack. No matter what time of day or how far into your binge session you are, these quiches will leave your guest wanting more. Oh my Norma are they delicious!
Orange Slice Jell-O Shots
The next item up on the list is always a crowd pleaser at any party I throw…Jell-O Shots. When I was in college, my friends and I used to sneak plastic cups from the restaurant we worked at to use for Jell-O shots anytime we threw a party. One night we even threw a party centered entirely around our love for these boozy treats — We made over 1,000 shots to hand out throughout the night!
I’m out of college now, so I figured it was time to take my Jell-O shots to the next level. Using fruit instead of plastic cups really made me feel like a classy adult, let me tell you… I’ve always seen these fruit peel shots on Pinterest and have been dying to find a good time to make them. Luckily for me, an OINTB watch party seemed pretty fitting.
Take your fruit of choice (obviously in this case we’ll be using oranges) and cut each one in half, then scoop out the insides. If you plan on making Prison Hooch as well (recipe below) make sure that you set aside your orange guts because we’ll be juicing them later. Follow the Jell-O package’s instructions, but substitute one cup of vodka for the cup of cold water. Fill your orange peels to the top with the liquid mixture and refrigerate them for at least 4 hours. Once your Jell-O has solidified, cut your halves into wedges and get the party started off right!
For our next drink, we’ll be using that “old fruit” from the Jell-O shots to make a batch of old fashioned pruno, aka prison hooch! At Litchfield, Poussey Washington is known for her side business making said hooch. Many of our favorite inmates have been seen hitting the bottle in a time of desperation or celebration, so prison hooch should be a staple at any OITNB party that you throw. Don’t worry though, we’ll be making some obvious ingredient substitutions here since we aren’t actually in lock up with limited supplies.
Typically, hooch is made from a combination of random ingredients that prisoners can easily obtain like old fruit, Kool-Aid, ketchup, salami, candy and bread. Because we have alcohol readily available to us, we can skip the ingredients needed for the fermentation process. For my version of prison hooch, I chose to stick with a Whiskey, fruit juice and Kool-Aid base.
Start by making a pitcher of Kool-Aid following the packet’s instructions, and add in maraschino cherry juice and freshly squeezed orange juice (from the leftover oranges) to enhance the drink’s flavor. Top it off with a generous amount of whiskey to give this punch the kick in the ass that it deserves, and garnish each glass with maraschino cherries and orange slices. If an Old Fashioned and a Manhattan had a troubled child that ended up going to prison for a low-level crime, it would be this drink — The orange and cherry flavors pair perfectly with the sweetness of the liquor.
While you guys enjoy nose-fucking your whiskey (you can thank Danny Pearson, former Director of Human Activities at Litchfield, for that one-liner), I’ll be over here sipping on a White Russian with a tasty twist. I love vodka. I love coffee. I love anything that combines the two. White Russians are one of my favorite drinks so I couldn’t let the opportunity to enjoy one of these creamy delights pass me by.
Obviously Red was my inspiration for this OITNB-themed cocktail, so to mix things up I added cherry juice to the classic recipe (vodka + coffee liquor + cream). I introduce you to the “Red” Russian. Just like Red, this is one badass drink that you certainly won’t want to mess with. You will, however, keep coming back for more.
Now that you have plenty of drinks to choose from, it’s time to start the party. Queue up the first episode and follow the rules below while you spend the next 13 hours of your life in lock up, Netflix and chilling with your fellow inmates.